How to Develop the Willingness to Act—and Finally Do the Things That Matter

    How can we develop the willingness to take action and follow through on the important tasks in our lives? Notice that I intentionally avoided using the word "motivation" here, because I want to move away from that concept throughout this essay. Don't get me wrong—my goal is for you to feel more motivated after reading this, but there's a bigger issue I want to address first. Too often, I hear people say things like, "How do I get motivated to start going to the gym?" or "I just can't find the motivation to get myself to therapy." Instead of focusing on feeling motivated to do the things you're avoiding, I want to help you develop something even more powerful: the willingness to act.

What's Wrong with Motivation?

    We’ve all experienced those moments when we felt totally motivated—those times when it felt effortless to make progress on our goals. Maybe you powered through a fitness routine, devoured a book in a weekend or had a week where everything seemed to fall into place. It felt like you were on fire, right?

But just as clearly, I bet you've also found yourself in the opposite situation—staring at your phone, TV, or computer, paralyzed by the vast nothingness of time and space, unable to summon the energy to get moving. As a therapist, I see clients all the time who know exactly what they need to do to reach their goals, but somehow, they just can’t seem to make themselves take action. What frustrates me most is when their solution is always, “How do I get more motivated to do X?” The issue here is that motivation is often unreliable, and far too simplistic as a solution.

The Problem with Motivation: It's Unreliable

    Let’s face it: motivation is like the shifting tides that rise and fall unpredictably. When you're motivated, things feel easy, and everything falls into place. But when motivation wanes, getting started can feel like an uphill battle. The problem with relying on motivation is that it’s inconsistent. Some days you’re pumped up, and others, you can barely get out of bed. If you wait around for motivation to strike, you’ll find that your progress is all over the place.

    Think about it this way: what if you said you’d only work on your goals when the weather is exactly between 10-20°C? It might work for a while if you’re lucky, but eventually, you’d be stuck in Toronto's harsh winters, frozen and unproductive. Or imagine planning a BBQ, only for the weather to turn on you, and now you’ve got everything prepared, but no way to enjoy it. That’s what happens when we rely too heavily on motivation—it's too unpredictable.

The Problem with Motivation: It's Too Simplistic

    I wish it were as easy as just saying, "You're not taking action because you're not motivated." But as a therapist, I know it’s not that simple. There are often deeper reasons why we resist taking action, and motivation is just a small part of the equation.

    Take this fictional (but realistic) conversation I might have with a client:

Client: “I don’t know why I haven’t submitted my grad school application yet. The tab’s been open for weeks, and I always find something else to do instead.”

Therapist: “What do you think is stopping you from applying?”

Client: “I just don’t have the motivation. I feel kind of blah about it, and I only remember when my friends are talking about their careers.”

Therapist: “How does it feel when you think about your friends and their careers?”

Client: “Honestly, it feels terrible. I feel like a failure, like I’m lazy. I get embarrassed about how much more ambitious they are than me. Sometimes I even decline invites because I don’t want to face them with this shame.”

Therapist: “It sounds like there’s more going on here than just a lack of motivation.”

    Blaming a lack of motivation in this scenario ignores the real obstacles: feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure, and possibly even fear of rejection. If this client continued to focus solely on trying to feel more motivated, they'd keep running into the same emotional roadblocks that keep them from acting. And this isn't just about applying to grad school—it's about anything that triggers those feelings of fear or self-doubt. Motivation isn't the answer; it’s the willingness to act, even in the face of discomfort.

Developing the Willingness to Act

    This is where the real shift happens. Instead of waiting around for motivation to appear, you can develop the willingness to act. This isn't a quick fix or an "easy button" solution. It's a mindset shift, a practice that takes time and effort, but it will save you countless hours of dread, self-criticism, and procrastination.

    But what does it mean to develop a willingness to act?

    It’s about choosing to take action, even when the task feels uncomfortable or challenging. It’s saying, “I’m willing to do this thing, no matter what bumps or failures may come along the way.” This might sound oversimplified, but it’s a choice you get to make every time you face something you’ve been putting off. When I choose to act, I feel proud of myself. To my ironic surprise, I often realized that the task that I was putting off wasn’t as scary or time-consuming as I made it out to be. 

Simple, yes. Easy? Not always.

How to Develop the Willingness to Act

    So how can you start developing the willingness to act? Here are some practical steps I’ve found helpful:

1. Talk to a therapist: Yes, even though I’m a therapist, I still see one myself. Why? Because, like everyone else, I have blind spots. Therapy provides a safe space to explore what's holding you back. Whether you’re aware of it or not, your behaviour is influenced by deeper emotions, and sometimes, talking it out with a professional can help you see things more clearly. Awareness is half the battle.
2. Explore your "why": Knowing why you want to do something is a game-changer. At first, your "why" might be results-based (e.g., "I want to feel prepared for this exam"). But over time, try shifting your "why" to something identity-based: "I want to be the type of person who follows through, even when I’m tired or unsure." This helps you focus on who you want to become rather than just the immediate outcome.
3. Identify challenges: Pinpoint what’s standing in your way. What tasks are you avoiding? When do you feel "unmotivated"? Reflecting on these things helps you understand your resistance and gives you a clear path to tackle it. Also, identify what strategies help you feel motivated so you can replicate them when you need a boost.
4. Develop a safety net: Life is messy. Motivation comes and goes. So what do you do when your willpower falters? Have a backup plan. If you’re trying to eat healthier but know you’re likely to cave and reach for ice cream, stock your freezer with healthier alternatives. Or, get your spouse or a friend to hold you accountable. These little "safety nets" can help you stay on track when your motivation wanes.

Putting It All Together

    Shifting to a mindset of willingness doesn't mean your tasks will suddenly become easy. But it does give you the confidence to face them, even when you're feeling overwhelmed or doubtful. Developing the willingness to act is not a one-time fix; it's a lifestyle shift. You don’t have to stay stuck in feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure. The key is to stop waiting for motivation to strike and start choosing to act, even when you don’t feel like it.

    The reality is, nothing changes if nothing changes. Relying on motivation won’t get you where you want to go, especially if it’s ignoring the deeper challenges you’re facing. Your goals are on the other side of your willingness to act. The question is: Are you ready to make that choice?

If you found this helpful or you feel someone you know would benefit from developing the willingness to act, send this their way.