Out with the Labels, In with the Action
Psychological awareness of human behaviour has evolved tenfold since its origins. As a practicing therapist, seeing many people taking the time to explore their emotional, cognitive and psychological processes is genuinely remarkable. Often, clients come to me, already spending immense time considering and self-exploring their behaviours, and it feels like my role is half facilitated. That being said, similar to all forms of innovation, more does not always equate to better. How do I mean this? Much of the pop psychology, self-help/self-improvement world has done a fantastic job at increasing awareness and interest in self-improvement. On the contrary, I'm concerned that we are nearing the point of oversaturation. I see it regularly in my clients when they endlessly spin their proverbial wheels, finding many answers, labels and explanations. Still, after reaching these revelations, suddenly, it feels like they've hit a massive, unclimbable or impenetrable wall.
So you've labelled that you have an anxious attachment style, or you have social anxiety, or that your parent/caregiver was a narcissist. A problem I frequently find with many of my clients after discovering a new label is the "so now what" part. On one hand, labels do an excellent job of validating and normalizing challenging human experiences. I've seen many clients express gratuitous relief from "finally" understanding why they have been struggling and feeling the way they have for all these years. It is common for people to assume they are "broken" when they experience these challenges in isolation with little to no perceived support - whether this is by choice (e.g. shame/guilt) or circumstance. But, for those of you who find yourself stunted in your psychological growth or faced with this "so now what" wall, here are some of my thoughts and directions you can take that I encourage you to consider.
Before the practical application, let me provide some fundamental background in Psych 101. In almost all intro-level psychology training or education programs, one of the introductory concepts taught to members is "psychological defences." These defences are unconscious emotional and cognitive processes that we do to protect ourselves from emotional distress. In layman's terms, defences are things we do automatically to reduce how bad something makes us feel. Instead of boring you with breaking down every conceptualized defence mechanism (if you're curious, the genies of Google or Claude can quickly get you up to speed), I want to dive into one defence that many of my clients get stuck with. This defence is called intellectualization.
Intellectualization is a defence mechanism in which a person copes with their emotional distress by focusing on a situation's rational or abstract aspects rather than dealing with the emotional content. It involves detaching from the emotional experience and approaching it through logical analysis, technical jargon, or abstract thinking. This allows individuals to avoid confronting distressing feelings by intellectualizing the problem. Why focus specifically on this defence mechanism rather than all the others? The reason is simple: many of you reading this are likely attempting to intellectualize your current emotional distress right now. Sure, some of you genuinely enjoy reading psychological material, but I'm also willing to bet that many of you, at some point, have used this or similar content engagement as a way to avoid dealing with something you know you want or should be doing. Engaging with said material becomes a coping strategy to distract yourself from confronting deeper emotional challenges. You are likely looking for abstract and logical solutions for what you're going through instead of facing the uncomfortable emotional experiences of the potential failure, rejection, incompetence, etc. I know this all too well because I, too, am the type to read books on the problems I'm facing, listen to podcasts, and analyze each and every possible option instead of taking action or facing the emotional distress that the action would elicit. Broken down, you have the right ideas to cultivate change, but your energy could be spent more efficiently. As Chris Williamson alludes in his Podcast "Modern Wisdom", preparing to do the thing, learning about the thing, talking about the thing, making a to-do list for the thing and listening about the thing are all not dealing with the thing. Awareness is step one, but too often, people get stuck here. Acknowledge the emotional distress of the situation and take action.
Since I love metaphors, here's one I often use with my clients to describe the process of change and healing. Imagine you're lost in the middle of a dark, scary forest. You know you want to escape, but you have no idea which direction to take. Your mind starts playing tricks on you, amplifying your fear—what if you make the wrong choice and end up in even more trouble? Maybe you'll run into a bear or walk in the complete opposite direction. Perhaps you start regretting not being better prepared for this journey. But here's the thing: these thoughts are automatic cognitive defences (e.g. intellectualizations), keeping you from taking action.
So, what do you do? The answer is always the same: take action. In the context of the metaphor, any direction is better than staying still. Yes, the things you fear might happen, but they might not. And even if they do, there's a strong chance you'll handle them far better than you expect. It sounds simple because, well, it is. But don't mistake simplicity for ease. Fear is a powerful force that keeps us stuck.
As a therapist, I'm often amazed by the creative dangers people anticipate and create to avoid taking action. Relying on intellectualization can be consuming. By distracting ourselves from uncomfortable emotions, we only delay the inevitable challenges we must face and keep ourselves further from our goals. A personal example: starting a podcast. To build my confidence, I read countless self-help books, listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts, told tons of friends about my plans and watched endless YouTube tutorials on "how to podcast." But the hard truth is, none of that mattered until I actually took action—until I created the content, hit "record," and put myself out there. Yes, I learned a lot along the way, but the emotional distress, in my case the anticipation of failure was always there. Only when I started recording, editing, and, most terrifying, posting, did I realize that I was capable of figuring it out. You may be thinking "Well, that sounds minor compared to what I'm facing right now." And maybe it is. But I hope you can relate to my experience and recognize how you may be intellectualizing your process.
If you take away one thing from this reading, it's this: take imperfect action. Do the thing(s) you're avoiding, even if you don't feel comfortable or ready. I can assure you that you'll learn faster than you think by doing it imperfectly. The temporary discomfort is definitely worth the relief of prolonged rumination of tasks unfinished/unattempted. You are far more adaptable than you give yourself credit for. The key is that the more you take action, the less uncomfortable it becomes. The real benefit of action is twofold: First, you deal with the issue sooner rather than letting it fester. And second, you build trust in yourself to overcome future challenges. Too often, people trade temporary discomfort for long-term regret. Sure, taking action is hard at the moment, but the pain of regret years down the line is much harder to live with. Take it from someone who works through these "stuck" periods with people of all ages and circumstances on a daily basis.
No matter what label you've adopted or what letters you've attached to your name, the challenges you face persist. And with that, it's time to take action. I'm excited for everyone who decides to take imperfect action. If you feel nervous, good. That means you're doing it right. As Carl Jung say, "Where your fear is, there is your task." It's time to move toward your goals, and your future self will thank you for it!
If you found this helpful or you feel someone you know is intellectualizing themselves away from their goals, send this their way.
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